Before I start this post, I want to say to anyone who is in the L.A. area, my heart is broken for your loss amidst the wildfires this past week. My brain can’t fathom the amount of loss and pain so many people have endured during the ongoing fires. If you are wanting to help, there are many ways to donate; we chose to donate to Baby2Baby and the LA Fire Department but there are many to choose from. (I actually found this article and list really helpful, if you need some resources for donations.) And of course, if you know of any GoFundMe pages or another charity / disaster relief, please feel free to leave a comment below with a link. <3
Hello friends!
I wanted to have a little catch up as it’s been a minute since I’ve posted! I wouldn’t say that I’m all the way back but I’ll be getting back to the regularly scheduled content this week. To catch you up, we moved over the Christmas break (the day before NYE — something that I would *not* recommend)I repeat: Don’t move during the month of December, don’t move during the holidays, don’t do it. And yet, I’ve done it twice. Some people never learn.
So as of last week, we are in the new house, in a new city (but still in the DFW metroplex!) and although it’s just about 30 miles up the road, it feels like a whole new world to us. We had been in McKinney for 13 years and I think we just needed a shake up. We’ve also downsized our house a bit, too which seems to be a theme for my life right now. (more on this subject later!) I can’t wait to share more of the house with you all, too. I still need to hang art, find rugs and window coverings, but I’m excited to see it all come together. It’s always a process isn’t it? I’ll try to bring you guys along as I make updates to the new house, but for now I’m just glad there are zero boxes in sight.
Last week, our daughter went back to school for two days…and then Texas got the once in every three years snow storm. It was just enough to build a snowman, ice up the roads and cancel school for two days. We were going on day 22 of no school since the winter break started. So trying to create content during the holidays, the move, and the longest school break ever was out of the question. And today is my dream day: I’ve got a mostly unpacked, semi-clean house, a full week of school and some outfits I’d love to share this week. But first I’d like to do a few life updates, if that’s alright with you.
I feel like I’m about as 180º as a person can be from last year at this time. Mentally and physically I was not doing well and we were in the process of selling our house on top of it all. Last year was a rough year for me but simultaneously it was a reset for my system. My body and brain gave me no choice some days than to just stop. I ended up working really hard on listening to my body and brain during these mandatory shut downs; so I continued therapy, started eating healthier, working out, going for walks and just trying to find some inner balance. By last June, ever so slowly I started to heal. It’s hard trying to continue your forward facing job as well when inside you’re falling apart. So if my content has felt off — it has to me — for about two years, it’s because I was struggling personally. It’s really hard for me to separate the two things as much as I’ve tried; KE is direct reflection of me. Work wise it was probably my least productive year, which can cause feelings of shame, guilt. But when I look back on it, instead I put more energy into healing myself and now I can say confidently I feel like myself again. I feel like an actual human being again. I didn’t dread January, like I usually do. I didn’t have a mental breakdown at the end of December, like I typically do. Yes, even with a move. I’m really proud of what I’ve accomplished inwardly last year, even if I don’t have much to show for it professionally.
I’ve also lost weight as well. I’ve had a few people ask about this and yes, I’ve lost 30 lbs over the last year. I gained about 40 lbs driven by an antidepressant I was taking and adrenal fatigue. For me, every single time my long term use of antidepressants has always lead to weight gain. Even though I was working out 5 days a week and trying every diet in the world, I couldn’t control the weight gain. I had become really inflamed and swollen and my body stopped feeling like home. Last winter, at the height of the inflammation and weight gain, the comments I received of ‘you don’t look like yourself anymore’ or ‘stop getting fillers’ were not only rude but also highlighting something I already felt and couldn’t control. For the record, I don’t think there is anything wrong with cosmetic surgery or injectables (I get botox!), but being accused of changing my face when I hadn’t, hurt. It was also a hard push on my already bruised mental health. So for the record, I didn’t get cosmetic surgery, I didn’t get fillers, I had simply gained weight and it changed my face. As I’ve lost weight, my face has once again changed and as a I get older it will continue to change. As my body was gaining weight and I couldn’t really stop it, I tried to embrace it as much as I could. When I was able to go off of the medication, I started seeing weight loss and now here we are. I do ‘feel’ more like myself — although my therapist has a few words to say about this topic but I keep changing the subject on him so TBD — and physically, I feel healthier. Honestly, all I wanted was to just fit into some of my old clothes and to ‘feel’ like myself again and I couldn’t be more grateful that I do.
Moving forward with content on KE, I’m pretty sure I’ll start a substack here in the next month or so but will continue posting here as well. As an elder millennial who loves her job, I know I need to evolve and I want to meet you where you are at. It seems like so many people love their Substack reads (I’m one of them!) and it feels like the natural next step. I’m also wanting to share more of my ‘everyday’ outfits on here and feel like I can do that with the new house set up, etc. I was kind of doing this with my ‘what I wore last week posts’, but I’d like to step it up one more level with the photos, so we will see how this comes together! Although, Lord knows I love a good selfie. By the way, those posts were the best I could do most weeks last year. Sometimes it was all I could do. That’s how I know I’m doing better as well; I can move the goal posts a little further north and still reach them.
I’m also in a strange place of downsizing my own closet (because my new closet is tiny but I love it) and wanting to continue bringing you fresh style content. I’ve mentioned this here before that it truly is a balancing act of having too much stuff for real life or not having enough for content. However that is a line I have to decipher as a content creator, so I appreciate you sticking around to see how I juggle these two things. On the upside, I’m also about to do a huge drop in my pre-loved shop! A lot of things from last year no longer fit but are in excellent condition, so I should have a new drop next week and a lot more this spring. This new small closet is really going to work out for all of us 😉 However this subject matter — less clothes, second hand, shopping, etc. is a whole thing I have a lot more to comment on. Am I becoming a minimalist? No lol forever but something is changing around here and I’m excited to see how it all shakes out.
I think that’s the lot of what’s going on around these parts, or at least what’s on my mind today. I appreciate you for staying around all these years and for letting me human some days (or years!) I can honestly say I am so excited to bring you content this year, so thank you for being here and for supporting me throughout all the years.
I’ll be seeing you around this week! Cheers to a new year but the same old blog.
xx, kendi
19 Responses
Just leaving you some more support. I feel like I’ve been on this journey with you for ages (since we were much younger) and it was a tough year for me health-wise also with unexpected spinal surgery, but i too am in a better place now. keeping up with you feels like keeping up with an old friend, so I’m glad to hear you’ll still be here! And I guess I better learn about substacks because all of my favorite bloggers seem to be talking about them!
Thank you for sharing so candidly. I relate to so much of your journey with mental health, and days of just not being able to do the things you used to. I recently had my fourth baby (at 40) and am struggling to get back into the swing of things. I’ve been through this before and know I will get through it again, but it’s validating to know that others also have times when life is hard and that it CAN get better. For ther record, I love your style but stay for the real-life moments, so thanks for continuing to share.
Four babies! Look at you, girl! I only did it once but getting back to baseline felt like it took forever. So I can only imagine with 4 little ones. But then one day, it just was better you know? I hope you start to feel like yourself soon. It does get better <3
It’s always Wonderful to see you, wherever you’re at – but very glad to hear that it’s slowly coming back to being a happy space in life for you! (And sorry to know you were struggling.)
Been following for years and years — since you had the shop! I have ALWAYS kept coming back because you are so real in your posts and you dress with such class and style but it feels attainable…i think it’s because you are true to yourself and don’t pretend etc. Makes me furious that you had to deal with comments like you said above…not sure why it’s so difficult for people to understand it is NEVER ok to comment on other’s bodies, no matter what. Appreciate this update and so glad you are feeling better this year!! Thank you again for sharing and continuing to show up. I look forward to your substack!
I miss the shop! Bloom lives in my best memories. Oh it’s okay on the comments, they are fewer and far between than years prior. I think I’m pretty boring in the spectrum of influencers these days lol. Thank you for being here!
wE’RE SO GRATEFUL FOR YOUR HONESTY AND AUTHENTICITY. eVEN THOUGH YOU’RE NOT REQUIRED TO, IT MEANS SO MUCH WHEN YOU SHARE YOUR HEART. LOVED READING OF YOUR HEALING JOURNEY AND EXCITED FOR WHAT’S TO COME AS WELL. (i ALSO THINK A LOT OF US ARE MAKING A SIMILAR SHIFT IN REGARDS TO OWNING “THINGS.”) tHANKS AGAIN FOR THE UPDATE — WE’RE ALWAYS ROOTING FOR YOU!
Why are women so hard on ourselves and other women? i have been STRUGGLING with weight gain and body shaming from friends since going through menopause. so frustrating to work out 6 times a week but have the weight still creep up. But i am strong physically and proud of my body and i feel great. So everyone else can just fuck off. You look great kendi. You looked great last year. You looked great the year before that, and the year before that. Good luck with your health journey and keep on keepin on!
Ugh I don’t know what it is with women. I want to believe in the best of us but I become so disappointed when those comments hit. I mean it slides off my back most of the time, but sometimes they echo back. Also these comments to you are coming from friends?! No ma’am! I don’t like that! But I’m proud of you for feeling strong and continuing to work out, it can only help especially with menopause. I’m just now getting back into my gym routine with strength training, too. I miss feeling strong!
Also thanks for the encouragement. I won’t lie — there are eras of my blog I sometimes want to just delete off the internet. But so is life right? I appreciate you for being here and for the kind words! Here’s to only getting stronger in 2025 and everyone else can fuck off 😉
Love this update! Thank you for being so honest and real. and i’m personally loving the shift towards secondhand, vintage finds, etc. and as a jcrew, zara, madewell girlie – that was a hard adjustment but the thrill of the find and knowing that we’re not adding more waste, etc. to the world is so important!
Thank you for your candidness! The words “my body stopped feeling like home” really resonated with me. Ive slowly gained 40 pounds over the last 3ish years and when i look in the mirror now, i dont recognize the body im in. It has been difficult to reconcile and disheartening to not be losing any of the weight despite making changes to my diet and movement practices. (Sigh… periomenopause) as another long time reader, I echo the comments before mine- so happy youre in a better mental space and feeling good! Im here for whatever you have capacity to offer 🙂
Ughhhh perimenopause can suck it. I am terrified of this stage if I can be honest! I shall be on that boat with you here in a few years, I’m sure. It’s funny I almost deleted that sentence because my therapist had a real visceral reaction when I said that to him a few sessions ago. But we never got into why! I should probably revisit this next time. I really did just want to ‘feel’ like myself again, not even like body goals, I just wear the jeans I like to wear, you know? And I know you do. I’m sorry you feel outside of your home right now, too. If my therapist shares any insight into this, I’m sharing it here too!
Happy new year Kendi! I’m glad you’re in a better place (physically, mentally) these days. I’ll follow you to substack, though as an elder millenial, I’m clutching to my blog feed with an iron grip – so if you keep posting here, I’ll keep reading! Huge kudos for being more intentional with your wardrobe. Your blog is one of the main sources swaying me away from fast fashion toward more sustainable pieces. I’ll admit though, some of the brands your post seem outrageously expensive when I compare to what I can get at Old Navy. I would really love love love to see some “this is how I styled X item every week” so we can see how a piece fits into everyday wear. Highlighting the durability and timelessness of pieces you buy would go a long way toward making click that ‘shop’ link.
Thanks for paving the way in 40 year old fashion – I’ve been following you since my 20s and love evolving my style alongside you. Cheers!
I’m SO glad you still believe in blogs! I do too but the more I hang around the more I’m like am I a black and white tv in the world of 4k?! I’m a blog truther for life, but I fear I’m not evolving? IDK. It’s hard for us OGs out here lol. For sure on styling more things, that is definitely a way that I want to change how I produce content. (Again with my old blog learning new tricks lol.) Thank you for your feedback and comments! I will keep all of it in mind moving forward!
thank you for being so honest and open about your life. I am so happy for you that you are in a better place. It takes a lot of courage and strength to listen to the voice within ourself and to listen to our body. I have been following you since you first starting posting and will continue to follow you. I look forward to seeing where the next year takes you. you should be proud of yourself!
Just wanted to chime in, give you a hug, and say *thank you* for all you do. We appreciate you! I am old school so I love a blog, don’t have ig or X or whatever (for various reasons) and would absolutely show up for you on Substack. Take care, and see you again soon. xoxo
Long time follower! Since before the Bloom days. 🙂 So happy to see you happy. You seem good. I’ll always be here for the content, but love that the person behind it feels good too.
I’m a longtime follower and just wanted to drop a comment and leave you some love. I’m old school and prefer the blogs over substack still, so thanks for sticking with this option too!
2024 was a “year” for me too. Although the first WEEK of 2025 has been setback