This was about the 10th outfit that I put on today. It was actually one of the firsts that I tried on and went back to. Nothing seems to be working lately. Normally I can walk into my closet (and it’s not a walk-in) wave my magic wand at 7:45 am while running late to work and come out with a great outfit. Sadly, this has not been the case of late. Which, in turn, makes me late to everywhere I go.
But if I think on the last 4-6 weeks, my life has been constantly moving. I continually pick up our house only to find it messy again. I do loads and loads of never ending laundry. I unpack a suitcase to pack it again. I am here, there, everywhere and nowhere in between. When I become busy, I sometimes forget my focus and goal. I forget who I am.
Lately, I’ve been feeling the pressure to be perfect. I feel pressure to be the perfect wife, the perfect daughter, the perfect blogger. I feel the need to dress perfectly, to make sure every hair is curled, each cheek is blushed. But these feelings are not for myself, instead I feel this pressure from everyone in my life. A perfectionist by nature, I have found myself in a tiring cycle of expectations set by someone else. Yes, part of this is from putting myself out there in the world, frame by frame, word by word and allowing others to follow my edited life. The other part is allowing myself to listen to everyone else and not my own voice. I’ve never asked myself to be perfect. I’ve never expected that from me. I want what’s best for my life and I will live that way. But as I’ve learned in life there is no place for perfection, and mistakes have all the room they will ever need.
I remember myself as a little girl wearing my very favorite outfit. It was hot pink and I’m sure terrible, but I felt good. I remember never once asking anyone, not even my mom, about my outfit. Not because it didn’t matter, but because I didn’t care. I loved my hot pink outfit, plain and simple. No one was going to change the way that I felt.
I say all of this to remind myself that it’s okay. There is no need to be perfect, because that is not real. That’s the problem with being perfect, you are never enough. But being who you are, wearing what you want to wear, saying what you want to say, is real. And that is good enough.
95 Responses
Amen to that! You will always be the most perfect version of you…it's when we try to be someone else that we find ourselves always falling short.
I think you look absolutely fabulous! Yet, I completely understand what you're going through. Things are just so hectic this time of year, its almost a struggle for me to not wear jeans and a sweatshirt everyday.
<3 Melissa
nothingfancyy.blogspot.com
Oh perfection is a silly thing.
You look beautiful. And I also have that gray dress from Target in your last post and it might be my new favorite piece of clothing!
amen! I completely agree!!
Oh, Kendi, this is such a lovely post. Thank you!!! I love your realness 🙂
Kendi,
You're truly inspiring.
That is all.
Love,
Cassidy
Couldn't have said it better myself! There is a lot of pressure to be perfect so kudos to you for recognizing that you don't have to BE perfect! Love the look today :0)
This might be my favorite post yet Kendi – thanks for keeping it real! And you never have to worry about dressing "perfectly" – your outfit combos, whether you're feeling them or not, are inspiring and full of creativity! I always look forward to seeing what you've posted!
Small Time Style
Keep your chin up and thanks so much for keeping it real. I appreciate the inspiring words!
I have been struggling with this a lot lately but you were able to put it into words a lot better than I have.
This post was exactly what I needed to read so thanks Kendi!
Melissa
i can totally relate to this – and i'm sure that lots of others can too. thanks for being so "real"!
You look gorgeous! Being perfect is boring! You're awesome the way you are. That's why I've been so blahhh about blogging as of late. My life is stressful, and no one wants to hear about that. So I post randomly when there's something interesting.
I'm shocked you can find the time to post every day, but don't feel pressured to post for other people ^_^
Well said, Kendi, well said. I appreciate your honesty and can relate to what you're talking about. Your words just made me put a mirror up to myself and ask why I do the things I do.
you are fabulous. i know exactly how you feel! seriously all i want to do lately is throw out everything i own and start from new. i feel like everything is so blahhhh. i am a perfectionist and i totally feel pressure all the time to live every moment of my life and not miss a single moment. but sometimes that can be tiring
thanks for being so honest friend
🙂
You're totally right my dear… and I can totally relate. Don't compare yourself to anyone, or try and be perfect. You're perfect just as you are, and that's the way we like you!
I completely agree! And I love the outfits you put together 🙂 But I definitely have those days where I pull out my entire closet and still can't seem to find an outfit I like.
It took me a long time, and it was a hard lesson, but I firmly believe in the importance of loving yourself. I know that sounds cliche, but there are two sayings that my mom has repeated to my brothers and me our whole lives: "You have to like yourself before someone else can," and "You have to be your own best friend." Going through college and relationships and growing up, now I couldn't agree more. And I still have to practice at it, but really your own opinion is the most important!
Amen Amen Amen to that 🙂
You are perfect at being you, and that's all you need. Perfection is generic.
plus your outfits are always cute.
excellent post!
you are a lovely and witty girl 🙂
i really love how you paired the casual old navy tee w/ the yellow skirt, GORGEOUS
p.s i remember how fun it was to dress myself as a kid, i loved mixing patterns
I had the exact same experience this morning, except mine ended in pulling out winter sweaters from their vacuum sealed storage under my bed. My apartment is a mess, and to top it off, I wasn't even that happy with what I wore today.
Long story way of saying: I blame this transitional weather. Every few months, I forget how to dress myself for the new season.
You're awesome, always stylish, AND apparently also a gangsta. Maybe that doesn't seem like the traditional version of perfect but I'm pretty sure around here it's about as close as it gets. 😉
Such true words, Kendi. It may sound cliche but I would say you're pretty perfect at being you. If you are who you are, then how can it not be perfect? I'm all about being real…my friends who are real and true to themselves are the best ones I've got. Thanks for putting yourself out there for all of us to judge. 🙂
it's so good to hear your thoughts in such a candid way (not so on a lot of other blogs!) i think a lot of people, myself included,have had to struggle with living by someone else's ideals/expectations-i've had to learn the hard way that this usually means you end up screwing yourself over!!
So true! Beautifully written post.
Your outfit is fantastic – the perfect blend of casual and chic 🙂
I'd say that this is pretty much perfect right here.
love this post 🙂 I think everyone feels that way sometimes. trying to be perfect is just boring!
I have been having a hard time putting together outfits lately too. I'm in that summer/fall awkward stage.
super post! been thinking about those thinga lately as well, and I'm sure most people feel that way sometimes. you look gorgeous as always though 🙂
I am a true believer of perfection being overrated.
It sounds like you're doing ok, but if you're looking for a little help I wrote a similar post here:
http://ciupabiksemad.blogspot.com/2010/09/special-guest.html
Excellent reminder 🙂
Thank you so much, these words were sort of "needed". 🙂 And of course you look just as lovely as always!
I totally agree…….you look fabulous hunnie….love your little hoodie….so cute!!
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Statements in Fashion Blog
I know the feeling you are talking about. I think it's a common female thing. Life is crazy. No one is perfect. But you look adorable. I love the skirt, and the unexpected combo with the hoodie.
I completely agree! You have to stay true to yourself… I love the outfit that you camke up with especially the skinny belt, the leopard is like a little treat because you don't notice it up front but, then… it's pops up at you.
Lovely post, thank you for sharing! I had to laugh when you mentioned the hot pink outfit from childhood. It reminded me of a boys SLEEVELESS grey t-shirt with a cartoon skateboarding rat that I loved as a kid. Wow, my poor mom, but she let me wear it.
I think it is important to keep perspective and not be so hard on ourselves. Women can be harsh self critics and feel the need to please others. Your authentic self is beautiful and doesn't need to try hard; just allow YOU to BE.
Awesome post!
Such a fantastic post! Sometimes we all need that kind of reminder.
awesome post! you're my favorite.
and love the outfit! please tell us where you got that belt!
Great post. Question:Where is your bracelet from? You had it on with your Monday outfit post as well.
I totally agree with all the things you said.
Great post! I've been feeling less than perfect lately hence the lack of enthusiasm for my own blog. Really important message I think we all tend to forget.
Love this! You are so right….we really should all dress with the attitude of a child. They wear what they want, they love it, they don't complain or explain! Thanks for the reminder!
Amen… This was exactly what I needed to read this morning. Enough with being perfect. Where's the fun in that, anyway?
Just starting reading your blog and love it! Your style is great, and is exactly the inspiration I need to get dressed 🙂
What a great post, I think we all struggle with "perfectionism" and pleasing others.
amen, sistahfrand! being yourself is the new perfect.
I'm usually a lurker admiring your daily outfit but today I had to post a comment! I totally agree with you about living in a cycle of others' expectations. I totally love that last paragraph!! I think I'm going to print it out and paste it on my mirror to remind myself that I too am good enough being just me. Thanks for making my day a little brighter!
Lisa
I agree 100%! This quote so applies to me: "A perfectionist by nature, I have found myself in a tiring cycle of expectations set by someone else" and I need to stop it.
Love love love your blog.
P.S. I emailed your husband about his photography style and he was very kind enough to email me back which I thought was great.
awesome!! great message and one that we need to hear every so often.
Amen!
i'm fairly new to the style blog 'scene', but i find my favorite posts are the ones that are the least 'perfect' and therefore the most real. or put another way….the ones that show the most personality. as a reader the temptation to run out and copy an outfit that looks fantastic on you is great, but they often never work because they're not me. keep your chin up and remember the greatest compliment is to be loved for being yourself. 🙂
You speak the truth girl! Love it! Be who you are and I promise we will still be here to support you!
I LOVE this outfit… SO unexpected but so "perfect"! Take care girl! oxo, Jill
fabulous outfit! and love this post (and your blog)! thanks for you well wishes on my grandma's 90th bday! we had a ball!
~Evie
that was a perfect blog post, you rock!
As I read this word by word, I thought they were coming from my own heart. I tortured myself with my own perfectionism for a really, really long time, and while it's quieted for a bit, it's something I know I'll have to battle again. Keep your chin up, Kendi 🙂
wonderful! I love this so much! I've been feeling unlike myself lately too. This just reminded me to take a step back and remember that it really is OK to NOT be perfect all the time. Thanks!
xo M
TELL ME ABOUT IT!!
I can certainly relate to all of this, especially running late because you can't find anything to wear in all of your zillion pieces of clothing. SHEESH. (Which in turns adds to the mess of the house -lol- bc we are throwing clothing everywhere and have no time to clean it up).
I. Hear. You.
A.Co @ A.Co est. 1984
I think we can all relate to what you said there. Just remember that you have a ton of readers here who don't expect perfection, that are here to see some outfits and learn more about you. This can be a place to just unwind from other pressures and have fun!
I'm so impressed and excited about your journey with this blog. I can relate to many of your stories even though I'm old enough to be your grandmother. Your inspiration sparked an idea for me and I just initiated a new blog called Silver Crown Styles. Won't be an everyday blog but…Love ya!
Word, sister! Word!
100 percent agreeing with you. I strive to be myself daily this is what you see and that is the true me on my blog. I love your blog and read it daily I may not post comments cause sometimes I am a bit busy but that is not a excuse. I think you are super cool chick just keep being who you are the fun person that I see in the blog.
Love this post, love this outfit! I totally covet that skirt and have made it my life's mission to find a mustard colored skirt this season. Also, you inspired me to dress up a hooded tee that I usually only wear uber-casually.
Don't worry about being perfect, just worry about being you!
I think your awesome. Your blogs are always great and on point. Not to mention FUNNY! Your style is a reflection of you. Not me and not anybody else. You express yourself and whether we like it or not, you rock it and you wear it with confidence. Who cares what we think. That being said, I LOVE YOUR STYLE! 🙂
You know what Kendi, as cheesey as it may sound, you are the perfect Kendi Skeen. Don't change anything about that.
Just Better Together
I felt the same, some days I take off all my clothes of my closet, I try on many items and I can't find any outfit until I find something i like and I run because I'm late. But the good thing it's is some days not always it will pass 😀
You look great! And the perfection thing is so true- completetly unattainable and a true recipe for unhappiness.
Sometimes I have to bite my tongue about the outfits my 5 year old puts together but she has her own style and is a frequent reminder to me to have my own too! I love the outfits she puts together because they illustrate the true freedom of childhood and self-expression even if she doesn't look like she came off the pages of Baby Gap.
I'm anti perfection and totally pro doing the best you can which to me are totally different things. That said maybe you could do greatest hits for a few weeks. I'm amazed at how well all fashion bloggers remix and wear different outfits all the time but it must be exhausting. I on the other hand tend to find a combo I like and wear it again and again. Sometimes I even hang them on the same hanger if I really like them so I for one would not be bothered by some full on reruns.
Thank you. I've been feeling thsi way too and readying your post this morning really helped me.
Oh Kendi, this is such a beautiful post, and a timely reminder.
You look beautiful.
I'm glad you take the time to blush every cheek, simply because it would be odd to have only one rosy cheek but then again, we're talking about Kendi so it might start a trend… If you do it, I'll follow 🙂
But in all seriousness, I love this dressed up hoodie and the sophisticated comfort it puts forward. And I think being who you are is more than good enough because you found a husband who loves you the way you are and readers who feel the same! I feel lucky to be able to hear your voice!
I love your blog and have never commented before, but I had to say — right on, girl! I'm prone to those cycles of perfectionism myself and whenever I get through them, I wonder why the heck I got so worked up. Just being ME is good enough.
You're pretty fabulous on-screen, Kendi, and I'm sure you're even more fabulous in real life.
i know exactly what you mean about trying to meet other people's expectations. thanks so much for sharing. on a lighter note, this outfit rocks. i LOVE the idea of wearing a hoodie in such a ladylike manner! i'm going to have to try this.
kendra
http://closetconfections.com
I really enjoyed reading your post because I can understand that same feeling. There's always that outside pressure to be perfect, but it's unattainable.
And I'm realizing that just being myself and loving what I love without having to justify it is enough.
Btw, the hoodie with the skirt combination is awesome. I would never have thought of that. And it looks amazing on you! =)
Amen to that! We all do it. Btw though, your blog rocks and so do you. Here's to being perfectly imperfect.
Perfection is a mirage. We all are full of charms and flaws. Those you really love/like you or your blog will take it all. Kendi we love your blog, your writing, your styling sense, your husband's photography and we are here for all the ups and downs.
Hi there… I'm finally coming out of my commenting closet! haha. Anyways. I SO TOTALLY HEAR YOU. I've been getting pressure from so many people to be "perfect" – i.e., more like someone else or holding up to someone else's ideal – and I'm finally learning to figure out who I am and how to live the way I want/wear what I want/say what I want to say. Trying to keep up with what everyone else wants and be perfect is indeed the fastest way to get so overwhelmed that you lose your sight of who you are and what you're doing… yep, right there with ya!
Here is to being who we want to be, even if it means that load of laundry and dishes waits another day (or four) and even if that means wearing hot pink or all black or whatever!
You can only do so much to please other people, make sure you are focusing on yourself and doing what makes YOU happy! Love the outfit, the casualness of the top is so unexpected with the skirt!
MixandMatchFashion
It is your imperfections that make you perfect! I've noticed that blogging can do that – some days I just want to not think about what I'm wearing or what my friends/followers might think if I'm seen in sweats. It's ok to take a break, you know. And the nice thing about blogs is that you can display what you want to!
Also, wait until you're a mother (if that is the direction your life takes you). Perfection/imperfection takes on a whole new meaning!
Kendi, you're already one of my favorite bloggers, but now I feel like you can kind of read my mind as well. I've been feeling a very similar way lately and it's totally stressing me out. This was such an encouraging post, I feel calmer after reading it. You're like yoga, in blog form. Thank you!
Well said. I totally agree. People who try to pretend they're perfect usually come off as being fake. Embrace the flaws! I love that you're imperfect, because it means you're like me (and the rest of your readers)! And you look cute no matter what.
Perfection is for the birds. I wrote a post called "Feel free to f*ck up" a few months ago after feeling the way you describe here. Allowing–expecting!–yourself to make mistakes is so freeing!
Tamia
TheStyleSample
I used to be a complete perfectionist about dressing, and I finally figured out what works for me–I only have clothes that I really really like. Like the hot pink dress you talked about (except not quite), I only have clothes that I feel really good wearing. None of that "well only if I don't eat or breathe or anything for the whole day". And then, I can just grab random pieces and they work. They work because I feel great (they probably also work because I'm unabashedly comfortable clashing patterns horribly, but that's totally besides the point)
You're awesome. Your blog rocks, and your clothes are always gorgeous (mostly because you're gorgeous). Have fun being an imperfectionist–intentionally mismatch! Or something like that. 😉
holy shit i fucking love it!!
I hear you, sister. And you're right: perfection is NOT real. It's rarely even interesting! Keep doing your thing and you'll be fine.
🙂 Yes.
Besides, one would never learn to laugh at oneself if one were perfect, and what's the fun in that?
exoh,
Elizabeth
This is such a lovely post. I totally know what you mean! And – I love that hoodie with the pencil skirt. I need to stop by Old Navy.
Kendi, you are gorgeous. And funny. And a great writer. And very fashionable. And I hardly know you so I imagine you are 10 million times better in real life 🙂
I struggle with perfection too. Here is my take on it.
http://carlyfindlay.blogspot.com/2010/02/perfection-versus-excellence.html
thanks Kendi!
This has been sooo on my mind as of late… all i can think about is my tendency to be perfect for those around me… like failure is not ok or a perfectly legitimate option. thanks for the encouragement!
I definitely understand the pressure, so I feel ya. And it's really easy to lose focus in life! I hope you're not letting it get you down! Speaking for myself and nearly everyone else that reads this blog, you rock, and I (we) come here to read about Kendi, not someone else. Hope you have a good day, anyway!
Well said! We shouldn't get caught up in our own expectations, the expectations of others, or the expectations that we think they have (but maybe actually don't!). Perfection is not actually what we want, right? It's our quirks and flaws that make us so interesting!
– Meredith
You guys are the wisest readers ever. I'm sending you all e-kisses and hugs in exchange for your wisdom.
For those of you who asked, my bracelets are from Charming Charlie's, except for the sparkly one. That was my great grandmother's. 🙂
Great post, Kendi! I'm sure that rings true with a lot of people out there. I hope the pressure subsides.
Excellent post, Kendi – I really appreciate your writing: very thoughtful and professionally written, yet also fresh and conversational – with your charm and sense of humor shining through.
Well done!
Perfect is no fun at all!
There are some who would say this outfit is imperfect because it mixes ultra-casual with corporate. And that's their loss because this is a FABULOUS and very ingenious outfit.
Be exactly you, no matter how much of a mess that might be on any given day. =]
So true but it bears repeating time and time again. We all put ourselves under so much pressure – as if life wasn't stressful enough.
whatever you do enjoy it. you only have one life so live it even if you make mistakes.
-Kristin
atasteofthis.etsy.com
kristindeleon.wordpress.com
loving that belt!!
I totally understand what you're saying. I often feel the same way. I need to be the perfect employee, colleague, illustrator, girlfriend, friend, daughter, sister, blogger, housekeeper, cook, and be effin cheerful whilst doing it and keeping my zen going. It doesn't work. We can work at it all we like and stress about it even more – we're not going to be perfect and that's great! Perfect is boring anyways. And you're not boring.